Getting to the Heart
of the Matter
by Linda Bartlett
Mary is a pastor's wife who attended two Titus 2 Retreats and then promoted a retreat for the wives of pastors. Cheryl is a district president's wife who hosted a training retreat in her home and, with her husband, organized a retreat for the wives of pastors in their district.
Sandy is a volunteer for Lutherans For Life (LFL). She hosted two retreats in her home. Her daughter, Beth, was trained as a Titus 2 leader and facilitated an overnight retreat for dorm friends at Concordia University in Mequon, WI. As a deaconess, Beth hopes to do Titus 2 ministry wherever she is placed. Lynette is a LFL state president who hosted a retreat and "Dressing for Life" event. She and her daughter, Crystal, a college student, hosted a "sleep-over" for the models during which Crystal led portions of the Bible study, "Dressing for Life."
Stacey is a young wife, mom, and attorney who hosted a Titus 2 Retreat in her hom and is preparing to co-host with her sister, Jamie, a Titus 2 "tea" for their women's fellowship and a retreat for a smaller group of women in the home. What do these and many other women have in common?
They want to get to the heart of the matter.
At a Titus 2 Retreat, we dig beneath the surface to expose layers of distorted truth and blatant lies. We explore the realities of what has to happen before a woman will ever "choose" to abort her child. We contrast the world with the Word and...
... get to the heart of the matter.
The Heart of the Matter Is This
We are too often more easily influenced by the world than by the Word. We have been taken captive by ideas and trends that oppose God. It is possible that Titus, the young New Testament pastor, saw the individuals and families of his congregation being swayed by the world and suffering the consequences of sinful choices. He needed a model that would help them build a culture of life in the midst of despair, decay, and ruin.
The inspired model (Titus 2:2-8) is not popular. In fact, it is counterculture. But, for those willing to try it, there is promise (2:11-14). This model for mentoring is eye-opening for those who attend a Titus 2 retreat and emotionally draining for me. It is eye-opening because many of the women may, for the first time, realize they've been influenced by the world more than they ever imagined. We share "ah haa" moments which may validate personal convictions and bring tears of joy, or stir up memories and bring tears of pain or even anger. It is emotionally draining because I am acutely aware that each woman in the woman has a story. Most are sensitive to at least one particular topic. Some, out of loyalty to a person they trusted, get defensive. Unable to know if all have been convicted by the Law or not, I am called to practice compassionate Gospel.
What follows a Titus 2 Retreat?
"The retreat was a real blessing to me," wrote a pastor's wife, "and, as a result, to our congregation. I started a weekly women's Bible study in my home. We are using Men, Women, and Relationships. The junior/senior high class I share with another gal is going to split girls and boys. We're going to use the Bible study, Dressing for Life, with the girls while the men do a class with the boys."
Titus 2 Retreats offer much encouragement, beginning with God's Word to women in Genesis. They also challenge leader and participants to see the world as God sees it. "Hot button" issues are discussed with the goal of helping us all think rather than just feel or recite popular mantra. Winsome discussion offers opportunity to expose and contrast worldviews without really forcing anything on anyone. Such discussions are exercises in courage! Why?
Too often, we forget to look at controversial issues from a Biblical perspective and, instead, fall back on our own opinion which is easily shaped by the world. I remember one participant who did this during a discussion of women (the bearers of life) in combat. Her confident remarks, however, intimidated several others into silence. One who was intimidated later wrote, "This reminds me how we women are... most of us don't want conflict and don't like to oppose someone else in public." Isn't this, perhaps, one reason why so many worldly ideas take hold in our congregations and families? Wrong ideas left unopposed can hurt. I will admit to being fearful in facilitating open discussion. For this reason, I always pray: Dear God, don't let me get in the way of Your Spirit." It's amazing how the environment is changed whenever we speak God's Word rather than our own. His Word is sufficient. We are called to use it with caring respect for people.
Many discussions, I am told, continue "after hours" among smaller groups of women in their rooms or on the drive home. "I want to thank you for your Gospel-oriented message," a woman wrote, "for the clear word of law and the blessed word of grace. You did a beautiful job of proclaiming the truth in love and with compassion. I especially appreciated the opportunity to talk about these issues because it has initiated several conversations between others and me."
She continued, "You have helped me think about aspects of abortion in a new way. I always believed most abortions were the result of promiscuity among teen and young adult women. I had also understood that promiscuity among these women was a result of our culture (immodest dress, medial glorification of illicit sexual relationships, a "me-first" attitude, etc.), the feminist movement, the absence of a strong father figure, and a lack of understanding and firm grounding in God's Word. I still think those are significant issues and I appreciate the word you are doing in those areas, but I have begun to realize that there is a piece missing from the puzzle, one that could significantly impact the number of abortions in our country -- and the number of hurting women -- if it were also addressed."
This woman, after a deeply honest and revealing discussion with other Lutheran women, was motivated to research the prevalence of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) and its connections to promiscuity and abortion. She has encouraged me to address this "missing piece of the puzzle." Together, we want to get to the heart of a sensitive matter that has generational impact.
What Happens Before an Abortion?
"I would never have an abortion myself, but I support the right of others to do so."
"Abortion is wrong, except in some cases."
"Sometimes we're forced to choose the lesser of two evils."
Why is abortion defended as a "woman's right" even among people of faith? How does a mother, father, or grandparent rationalize abortion? What has to happen before people who acknowledge the Creator of Life will choose to end a life?
The ministry of Titus 2 for Life began after years of asking these questions. In order to make abortion "unthinkable," we must honestly examine what happens prior to an abortion, including a "me first" mentality, promiscuity, and failure to trust God. But, is there, as one Titus 2 participant asked, a missing piece to the puzzle of abortion? Is there something so terrible that, in moments of fear and hopelessness, even Christian women and their families feel compelled to take a human life?
And e-mail conversation following a recent Titus 2 sessions began to reveal that missing piece. A participant wrote: "Without breaking confidences, a group of us shared the painful circumstances of abortion as related to us by friends, family, congregation, and community members we have cared about and listened to over the years. A common thread seemed to run through those accounts. Young women who had been victims of childhood sexual abuse became promiscuous or experienced further sexual abuse from men during their teen years. When they found themselves pregnant, they chose an abortion."
The Missing Piece?
Childhood sexual abuse (CSA) is, without a doubt, a missing piece in the abortion puzzle. "I don't even remember when it began. My older step brother would slip into my room at night and crawl into bed with me . . ." "When I was twelve, my 'uncle' began touching me . . . later, when boys wanted to do the same, I honestly didn't know how to say 'no.' " "Between the ages of 10 and 14, I was sexually abused by my step-dad. My mom knew but was too afraid to say anything . . ." "The principal of my Christian school said I was special and what he was doing to me was our secret . . ." The stories break our hearts. The statistics should, too.
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Estimates of the prevalence of CSA are about 33% for females under the age of 18 (children are most vulnerable between ages 8-12). www.caps.ucsf.edu/pubs/FS/CSA.php
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The average serial child molester has between 360-380 victims in his lifetime. www.parentsformeganslaw.org/public/statistics_offenders.html
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Child sexual assault victims are 4.7 times more likely to be the subsequent victim of a sex crime. www.parentsformeganslaw.org/public/statistics_childSexualAbuse.html
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Sexual re-victimization can also influence high-risk sexual behavior. One study of African American and white women found that CSA survivors who experience a re-victimization as adults had more unintended pregnancies, abortions, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and high-risk sexual behaviors than those who experienced only CSA. www.caps.ucsf.edu/pubs/FS/CSA.php
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Today, our country is experiencing an epidemic of underage girls being sexually exploited by adult men. The most reliable data shows that among girls 15 and younger who become pregnant, between 60-80 percent of them are impregnated by adults. www.parentalalert.com/
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Studies also show that the highest rate of STDs in America is found among females ages 15-19 and that the overwhelming majority of these girls contracted these diseases from adult males. www.childpredators.com/ReadReport.cfm
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Nearly two-thirds (62%) of pregnant adolescent females disclosed childhood sexual abuse and/or rape prior to their firsthand pregnancy and abused pregnant teens initiated sex two years earlier than non-abused pregnant teens. www.amchp.or/Events/Documents/Levenson%20presentation.pdf
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One study done in 1997 found that "compared to women who were not abused during childhood, women who reported a history of childhood sexual abuse were 1.5 times more likely to have had an abortion." www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9315271
The above statistics were researched by a Titus 2 participant whose heart was touched by the stories she heard following a retreat. She has been motivated to speak up so that a culture can begin to prevent more harm, death, and hopelessness.
Titus 2 women gather to contrast the world with The Word. Abortion is a worldly idea, but God calls it a sin. What has to happen before the sin of abortion? Other sin.
Sin happens when we rebel against or fail to trust God. Sin happens when we let our sinful human flesh come under Satan's authority. Sin happens when God's people are silent about sinful behavior. Sinful humans caught up in sinful behavior affect the lives of others.
Sin Has a Generational Effect, But . . .
CSA is an example of sin's generational affect on all of us. The consequences of one sin can affect generations to follow. God says, I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate Me . . . (Exodus 20:5).
In pausing to take a breath, I hear what some of you are thinking. Why is God so unjust to compel innocent children to bear the sins of guilty parents? Ahhh... and so it might seem to those who stop with verse 5! Please, don't stop! Read the rest of what God has to say! He continues with a powerful, life-changing "but" that is followed by words of hope: I . . . am a jealous God, punishing . . . to the third and fourth generation of those who hate Me . . . but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love Me and keep my commandments (v. 6).
Do you hear what the Lord of Life is saying? He is "a jealous God" because He created man and woman. The first man and woman's sin tainted all of their children and children's children. Sin produces consequences. But, praise God, there is Hope! There is always Hope for those who love and trust God! This Hope died for our sin and rose to victory! Hope is Jesus Christ who covers the repentant sinner with mercy every morning!
It is never a child's fault when he or she is abused. A child has not sinned when they are forced to do something against their will. The adult who puts a child in harm's way or strips away innocence is always responsible. So, what does the person who experienced childhood sexual abuse do? He or she finds hope and healing in God's promises: Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame . . . The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and He delivers them . . . The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:5, 7, 18).
What does the adult who sinned against God and one of His little ones do? He or she finds hope and healing in God's promises: When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to You and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgression to the Lord" -- and You forgave the guilt of my sin (King David in Psalm 32).
What do Titus 2 women (and men) do? They speak up! The expose the darkness of evil with the light of God's Word! For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope -- the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for Himself a people that are His very own, eager to do what is good (Titus 2:11-14).
