They're Not the Problem, We Are!
LifeDate, Summer 2010 - Linda Bartlett
It's natural. The "younger" among us have always believed themselves to be more enlightened than the "older". Young women, for example, consider themselves more "progressive" than their mothers or grandmothers. Young women want to leave the "old ways" behind. Some younger woman sincerely desire to learn from an older woman, yet allow themselves plenty of wiggle room, noting: "The culture is different than it was when you were my age."
Well, the culture is always changing. But, Truth never changes. Truth is a preserver of reason, order, and hope for those tossed in a sea of change.
The "younger" may naturally resist mentoring. I'm not surprised. But, I am surprised and disappointed when the "older" women resist the call to mentor, whether it's to someone younger in age, experience, or spiritual maturity. Maybe resistance of mentoring is not so much the problem of the "younger," but of the "older." If so, why might this be?
Perhaps we older women are afraid to mentor because it means acting our age. Perhaps we're afraid to mentor because it means re-visiting past mistakes and becoming vulnerable all over again. Perhaps we're afraid to mentor because we fear rejection.
Some of us may be afraid to mentor because we are untrained. Perhaps no one mentored us with God's Word. Perhaps someone we trusted more than God intentionally or unintentionally led us off the good path of life. I ponder my own generation of "baby boomers." A great many women of my generation were raised with no boundaries; told to obsess on our bodies; groomed to compete with men; and sent to the university where foundational institutions of marriage, family, and church were attacked. Is it any wonder that women of my generation may feel ill-equipped to mentor Biblical womanhood?
How can I mentor if I'm afraid to act my age? If I don't want to accept where I'm at in life? If I'm afraid to re-visit my past and admit my failures? If I'm afraid of rejection? If I'm afraid I'm not "good" enough? In other words, how can I mentor if "it's all about me"?
Ahhh. Those younger than me really aren't the problem. I am. I can't mentor if "it's all about me." I can't make a positive difference in my world if "it's all about me." I can, however, positively impact the lives of others when I stop obsessing on my fallen self and trust who I am in Christ.
We are God's creation. Women are daughters of Eve. Men are sons of Adam. (At a Titus 2 Retreat, we discover what this means by carefully studying Genesis 1-3.) We are people for whom Christ died. Our value is the price Jesus paid. We exist to behold God... and to glorify God. "Let your light shine...and give glory to your Father" (Matt. 5:16). "...Whatever you do, do it all to the glory of God" (1 Cor. 10:31). "...To [God] be the glory forever and ever. Amen" (2 Tim. 4:18).
Feeble and fallen humans do not have the wisdom to mentor. But, feeble, fallen humans forgiven and set free in Christ are new creatures. Jesus is the one "in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge" (Col. 2:3). Christ is "the wisdom of God" (1 Cor. 1:24).
I think God wants me to accept my age... my experiences... my failures. Making use of these, He wants me to warn... train... and encourage the younger women He places in my life. Trusting God's Word and using it makes me wise. Willing. Confident. Less focused on self and more focused on others.
During a T2 Retreat... and sometimes long after, women are encouraged to be wise in Christ, recognize deception, and leave foolish ways behind. Trusting God's Word, they find confidence to mentor those younger in age, experience, or spiritual maturity. Three years after one retreat, a 40-something woman wrote, "I thank God that you came into my life and brought with you healing, acceptance, and guidance. Thank you for helping me let go of the junk that happened to me, pointing me to God's good path, and encouraging me to see myself as His new creation."
A wife and mom married 20-some years often feels herself overwhelmed with doubt. In her fear, she becomes paralyzed. During a recent phone call, she said, "You mentor by validating my feelings, yet never compromising truth. You suggest a change of attitude and offer positive things to do."
What is that change of attitude? It's realizing that it's not "about me"... it's about God and what He can do for others through me (Rom. 12:2).
What are the positive things we can do? We can trust the Potter of our lives (Is. 64:8), switch focus from our disappointments to our blessings (Ps. 100:5), leave old ways behind (Is. 43:18-19), be self-controlled and alert (1 Pet. 5:8), persevere (Heb. 12:1-2), expose silly myths and train for godliness (1 Tim. 4:7-10).
An older woman wisely mentors a younger woman by helping her trust God's Word rather than her own emotions or feelings. Feelings are fickle and lead to harmful choices like sexual intimacy outside of marriage. This kind of sexual intimacy too often results in multiple partners, loss of respect for self and others, non-curable sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), and the loss of life through abortion.
"But," cries the older woman, "that was me!" Women who doubted God and were deceived by other voices, who live with STDs, who've been hurt by men, and who mourn an aborted child, come to T2 Retreats. These women are rescued daughters of Eve... ready to expose deceit, leave old ways behind, find contentment, and be encouraged and equipped to mentor others away from despair toward a future of hope.
"Titus 2," observed a 50-something woman, "welcomes women with all kinds of backgrounds into a safe environment. Foolishness is tenderly exposed. For some, healing begins for the first time. For others, hope is renewed. All are challenged to be available mentors in the hands of God."
It is true that we can commiserate with those who are at the same place in life as us. But, we are better encouraged... or warned... by the seasoned traveler on the journey of life, the one who has been on this road or that.
Now is not the time for the older and more experienced to opt out. It is not the time for sound judgment to be skewed as "judgmental" nor to abandon the wisdom of age and bow at the fountain of youth. It is not the time to be held captive by wrong choices of the past. It is not the time to focus on "me"... my weakness, my failures, my fears.
It is time to live confident that God is at work (Phil. 2:13)... in us and through us for others.
(To receive information about Titus 2 for Life or schedule a retreat, please e-mail lindabartlett@mchsi.com )