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And the Lord's

servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness

(2 Timothy 2:24-25a).

The following statements and "talking points" may be helpful when discussing difficult issues of life with family members and friends.

"Living together is a practical arrangement."  

  • Who instituted marriage and why? God said it was "not good for man to be alone" so He built a "helper" for man (Genesis 2:18). A godly husband values his wife as a "helpmate," not a subordinate or personal property.

  • Marriage, as created by God, is a place for modeling appropriate masculinity and femininity so that boys and girls better understand who they are and how to live.

  • Marriage between one man and one woman for life is the foundation for a civilized society. Traditional marriage and intact families where dads are responsible and involved decrease the need for government intervention.

  • The commitment of marriage honors women and protects children by calling each man  to his own "nest" where he is encouraged to a life of integrity, faithfulness, civility, strong work ethics, and service.

  • Marriage as designed by God does not abandon women and children, but places them under the servant-style love of a husband and father (Ephesians 5:25).

  • When a woman lets a man move in she is telling him it's ok to remain unsettled. It is the woman who helps a man contribute to a thriving civilization when she holds him accountable and connects him to children and posterity. 

  • Fully 80% of unborn children who are aborted are the children of unmarried parents. Marriage is the great protector of children--born and unborn.

  • For continued discussion, read Sliding, Not Deciding and Why Not Just Live Together?

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"Same-sex marriage is legal, therefore right."

  • God created the institution of marriage and only He defines it.

  • A civilization that doesn't grow itself or guard children is not long for this world. The opposites of male and female are created by God to "fit" perfectly. Then He says, "Be fruitful and multiply" (Genesis 1:28).

  • Same-sex marriage requires the act of sodomy. Unlike the vagina, the anus is an exit not an entrance. Anal penetration is a high health risk. Sodomy is purposeless in both the unitive and procreative sense.

  • Marriage as designed by God provides children with role models for their maleness or femaleness. Same-sex marriage creates a broken family with children unable to invoke the words "father" or "mother" in order to describe their household.

  • "The state does not make marriage possible; marriage makes the state possible. Homosexual marriage would have struck Aristotle as an absurdity since a polity cannot be founded on its necessarily sterile relations. This is why the state has a legitimate interest in marriage--because, without it, it has no future." (Making Gay Okay by Robert R. Reilly, 26)

  • Two people can be committed to one another (friends, siblings, parent and child), but we don't call it marriage. Where does the "right" to marry stop? "I know opponents of gay marriage say it will lead to polygamy and incest. It will and I'm all for that." (Jonathan Turley, professor of law at George Washington University, to an audience at the Newseum in 2008) The nature of love between homosexuals is not spousal (commitment to and love of the person); rather, it is a promiscuous way of having one's desires met. (Making Gay Okay, 61-64)

  • "It's a no brainer that the institution of marriage should not exist … fighting for gay marriage generally involves lying about what we are going to do with marriage when we get there--because we lie that the institution of marriage is not going to change, and that is a lie." (Journalist Masha Gessen on a panel "Why Get Married When You Can Be Happy?" in Sydney, Australia. The panelists of gays and lesbians admit that their goal is the destruction of marriage.)

  • Suggested reading: Why Not Same-Sex Marriage by Daniel Heimbach, Truth Overruled: The Future of Marriage and Religious Freedom by Ryan T. Anderson, and What Is Marriage? by Sherif Girgis, Ryan T. Anderson, and Robert P. George.

"Classroom sex education helps children feel comfortable with their sexuality."

  • Whose idea is early, explicit, and coed sex education: God's or man's?

  • To whom does God entrust children: parents or the school? Does God desire that parents educate in sex or instruct in holiness (1 Corinthians 6:18-20; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8; 1 Peter 1:15)?

  • God does not identify us as "sexual beings" or "sexual from birth." That's how Alfred Kinsey defined children and adults. The goal of Kinsey, an evolutionist recognized as the father of sex education, was to encourage all children and adults to be sexually free. The fact that he had no respect for women and used known pedophiles to experiment on children is well documented (see Stolen Honor, Stolen Innocence by Judith Reisman, PhD (first published as Kinsey, Crimes and Consequences). Also visit her Facebook page.

  • Does it seem cruel to talk early and much about the "wonders" and "joys" of marital sex, but then encourage delayed marriage until after college, securing a good job, and payment of debt?  

  • Are we disrupting the rhythm of life... with early sex ed, the Pill, and delayed marriage even as the woman's biological clock is ticking?

  • In the sex ed classroom boys and girls together encounter new information. But sex ed is not the same as biology or anatomy class. Are we showing respect for boys and girls who mature, learn and process differently? How do girls ask intimate questions in front of boys? God calls us to be holy which means "uncommon." Should the intimacies of the body or the marital act of sex be made common and ordinary?

  • "It's not lack of information; it's lack of judgment." Biology proves that the "thinking" part of the brain is not developed until early 20s. Physically, a girl's body is not ready for sex (1 layer of protective cells in immature cervix, but 20-30 layers at maturity). (See Unprotected and You're Teaching My Child What? by Miriam Grossman, M.D.)

  • Dr. William Coulson, a disciple of Carl Rogers, used the encounter group of a classroom to teach a school of nuns about their "glorious" human potential because "we are the children of a loving Creator who has something marvelous in mind for every one of us." Coulson wanted to help the faculty and students better live and govern themselves. His work, based on humanistic psychology, led to more openness but also to trusting personal ideas of right and wrong. Coulson confessed that the "encounter group" became a "miniature utopian society" and it was "a disaster" that destroyed the faith of many young women. He said, "We failed to understand the reality of evil in the human life" and explained that "when we implied to people that they could trust their impulses, they also understood us to mean that they could trust their evil impulses, that they weren't really evil. But they were evil." Coulson and his wife pulled their children out of Catholic schools when sex education was introduced. He warns Christian parents, saying, "The net outcome of sex education, styled as Rogerian encountering, is more sexual experience." (from The Failure of Sex Education in the Church: Mistaken Identity, Compromised Purity, 7-11)  

  • What are the consequences of failing to teach boys and girls about biblical manhood and womanhood and, instead, rushing to educate in sex?

  • Who tells girls that being virtuous is "prudish?" Who tells them not to be so inhibited about things of a sexual nature and what is gained if girls believe it?

  • There is order to God's instruction for a life of holiness/purity. When a Christian mother named Laeta asked how she might instruct her daughter in purity, the Church father Jerome responded: Direct her to read the rules for life in Proverbs, the patience and virtue of Job, the Epistles, and the prophets. Only when she is more mature is there wisdom in directing a young woman to read about marriage and the spiritual bride in Song of Songs. (from Concordia Commentary The Song of Songs by Christopher W. Mitchell, 278)

  • For a biblical and scientific-based discussion on the harm of wrapping Jesus around the worldly ideology of sex education, order The Failure of Sex Education in the Church, Mistaken Identity, Compromised Purity or visit Our Identity Matters.

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Mary and Elizabeth

"It's my body, my choice."

  • What is the source of this opinion?

  • When we say, "Women have the righ to choose," what is the choice being offered? What "choice" did God offer to Adam and Eve? What did He want them to choose? In both Genesis 2:16 and Deuteronomy 30:19, God "sets before us life and death, choose life...and receive blessings."

  • What does God's Word tell us in Psalm 139:13-16?

  • How does God describe our body in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20?

  • Once a woman is pregnant, we are talking about two bodies: two beating hearts, four hands, twenty fingers, and quite possibly one female and one male.

  • What boy child leaped in his mother Elizabeth's womb when Mary who was pregnant with Jesus greeted her (Luke 1:41-44)?

  • Abortion, like slavery, cause human beings to be viewed as personal property.

  • Abortion, or the death of a child, is not a sacrifice that God requires from a woman so that she might have a better life.

  • Legalized abortion removes the dignity of motherhood and damages the mother-child bonding process. Children who learn of their mother's abortion may question their own value: What if I don't make my mom happy? Will she abort me?

  • Abortion disconnects fathers from children and men from responsibility.

  • Abortion places all people of every age, place of residence, stage of development or level of dependency at risk should they be termed "inconvenient," "unwanted," or "burdensome." This contrasts God's Word in Isaiah 43:1, 7; 45:9-11; 46:4.

"My sin is too big for God to forgive."

  • It is only Satan who wants us to believe this lie. He hisses in our ear, "Did God really say... He can forgive the guilt of your sin?"

  • King David was wasting away under the heaviness of his guilt, but what happened when he confessed his sin in Psalm 32:3-5?

  • What is the promise of Psalm 51:7 and 147:3?

  • "Neither do I condemn you; go, and sin no more" (Jesus to the adulterous woman in John 8:11). We are not held captive to our sins nor do we have to repeat them. We can approach the Cross of Christ with any confession and leave our baggage of sin.

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"I will never teach my daughter to trust a man."

  • Men hurt women when they fail to be what God calls them to be. We cannot begin to understand this unless we have experienced it. However, a Titus 2 mentor can point a wounded woman to the Perfect Man Jesus Christ. He is the Man who gave all He had for us (Matthew 13:44).

  • Jesus Christ radically affected the status and treatment of women. Greek, Roman, and Jewish cultures did not greatly respect women, but Jesus changed that. Think of how Jesus reached out to the Samaritan women (John 4:5-29). He spoke to her--not only a Samaritan but a woman! He ignored Torah law by teaching women (Mary and Martha). Not only did He teach Martha, but He called for a verbal and public response to Him, a man (John 11:25-26). After He bodily arose Jesus appeared to women (Matthew 28:10) and chose them to tell His male disciples about His resurrection.

  • Jesus did not start a women's movement, but He came to change hearts and minds of people and set a standard for His followers to emulate. (Suggested reading: How Christianity Changed the World by Alvin J. Schmidt, Chapter 4)

  • In homes where there is no father, godly mothers and grandmothers can point children to the heavenly Father who is always faithful with His love, protection and guidance (Matthew 6:8-13). It is Timothy's mother and grandmother who passed the faith on to him and nurtured a "spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control" (2 Timothy 1:5-6).

  • Wherever the Word of Jesus Christ has gone, societies have changed. Men's behavior toward women has changed. Roman men had absolute power over their wives, but Christianity changed that (Ephesians 5:21). Widows were burned in pagan India, in pre-Christian Scandinavia, and by some American Indians prior to Columbus. But Jesus had compassion on widows (Luke 7:11-15; Mark 12:40). St. Paul reminds Christians to "honor" widowed mothers (1 Timothy 5:3-4) and "look after" widows (James 1:27). Christian influence eventually led the Chinese government to outlaw the dehumanizing practice of foot-binding in 1912. Wherever Christianity holds influence, the barbaric mutilation of females (clitoridectomy) has been condemned and outlawed (see How Christianity Changed the World).

"It's my right to dress any way I please" or, "It's my body and I can flaunt it if I want to!"

  • We are temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19-20), bought with the price of Jesus' blood. We are not our own.

  • God calls us to be holy, not sexy (1 Thessalonians 4:7; 1 Peter 1:15).

  • How does a woman who professes to worship God dress and why (1 Timothy 2:8-10)? Is modest clothing, as some Christians say, only for the worship service and, otherwise, "a thing indifferent?" Are we only in the presence of God on Sunday? In what places are we to profess and witness our identity as godly women? Does the daughter of God dress to bring glory to herself or to her Father?

  • A woman's modest dress shows respect for men with eyes, husbands of other wives, young men, and herself. Modesty is self-control for the sake of our neighbor.

  • The Christian woman points others to Christ with her behavior, language, and dress. The pretty waitress who served me and the men at my table wore a cross necklace that hung deep into her plunging neckline. I wondered: Where were the men encouraged to look? At the cross... or something else?

  • Seeing women displayed in sensual and provocative dress, how is a little boy trained to think of women?

  • A prostitute dresses and acts a certain way for a reason. A woman looking for the agape love of God speaks a different language.

  • Does clothing really matter? Evidence seems to prove that as society has "dressed down" and become more casual, our behavior has been affected. Corporations that designated Fridays as "casual day" learned that productivity decreased on that day. Businesses that have an employee dress code report better customer relations and respect among workers.

  • In the Garden, Adam and Eve were covered by the glory of God. When their sin stripped away that glory, they were ashamed of their disobedience and embarrassed by their total nakedness. They tried to cover themselves with fig leaves. But God said that a bikini of leaves was not enough. He covered the man and woman in animal skins; literally, "coats" that covered from neck to knee. He knew that in a sin-filled world the visual appreciation of the body would be distorted. Man and woman would need the help of clothing to fight the new temptation of lust. Most importantly, God promised the Savior from sin and complete Robe of Righteousness, Jesus Christ.

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